The Doctor and the Clones
by randomreb
Summary: The Doctor and his assistant meet their exact doubles, but for some strange reason their clones are aged and wrinkled. Could it be they are not as they appear? Are they dangerous? Or are they familiar figures in modern times? Read on...


The Doctor was busy combing his hair, or what was left of it. It was becoming apparent that he was losing his looks, which was a pity because his assistant wasn't getting any younger either.

"Looks like there's a right Dalek sucker attached to you nostril", said his assistant.

"It's just nose hair, I'll get it cosmetically removed when I'm not fighting hoards of the Autons or whatever else", he mumbled.

Suddenly a huge whooshing noise could be heard, the ground rumbled ferociously. The Doctor and his assistant creaked their aching joints whilst gazing wearily at the strange object that had appeared beside them.

"It's a rather unusual cuboid", shrugged The Doctor.

"Navy is rather unsuitable, what with all the conflicts these days", sighed the woman, his not so amiable companion.

The doors of the blue police box were flung aside as two eager but confused people rushed out.

"Well this isn't Mexico!" said one.

"Oh my gluttonous aunt!" said The Doctor's assistant, "peasant folk!"

"Right you must have trigged the router complex, therefore recalling me to a time and place I've already been by using a sonic device- not of human origins!" said the other, a man, he looked a slight bewildered.

"My toothbrush then, stupid electric things", The Doctor sighed.

"Hey lady don't look at me like that- who do you think you are?" said his female companion, she rustled her hair and angrily glared at the others.

"Her Royal Highness", replied The Doctor's companion.

"Well I'm the Bloody Queen then", she scoffed.

"No that's Mary, I'm the modern one- or rather- one is", The Doctor's companion said.

"Aren't you off the box, or whatever the term is", laughed The Doctor.

"Why are we both wearing the same outfits? I specifically called the garment tailor and he assured me that these outfits were originals- tailored to improve fit", said his companion, rubbing her expanding waistband.

"I always dress like this, that's what buy two for the price of one offers are made for", said the other young woman, surveying herself.

"My they are such in character- let us play along!" whispered The Doctor, his companion sighed but reluctantly nodded.

"Oh yes we called you here- it is I! Les Char, Lord of Planetwales, soon ruler of all Englandship, here to destroy my foe and absorb your youth!" he cackled, his companion swallowed her laughter.

"Not whilst I'm alive", she chuckled.

"I copied your DNA from our last battle, where those space folk from Galway- is that correct?" he stopped and scratched his balding scalp.

"Gallifrey son," his companion said as she shook her head.

"Yes those people from Gallifrey and the soup dragon, oh dear I'm getting confused again …hand me my medication someone", he sighed, slumping against the velvet drapes that lined the wall. He searched his pockets and produced a container, gulped down its insides and chucked it away, scowling.

"Yes the lizard people from the centre of the earth and those metal ones that don't do very much- oh yes the pepper pot shaped ones. Anyway we all got together and decided to destroy you and that I'd replace you and cause havoc around the universe in your machine and I suppose eat slightly less," he winced as he pulled himself away from the wall.

"You sided with the Daleks, the Time Lords and those who live within the Earth's crust to destroy me? I'm The Doctor and while there's breath in me I'll put up a fight", said the man.

"Yes well I'm The Doctor-now run along the party's just starting!" said The Doctor smirking, revealing teeth that had seen a better era.

The man pulled out a device from his pocket and pointed it toward the grinning face of The Doctor. The Doctor squinted at the device and frowned.

"Is that some kind of pen, rather one doesn't like to do ones own paperwork- my cuticles are easily damaged", explained The Doctor, revealing his wrinkled and frail hands.

"For a clone you haven't done much research, how can you replace me if you haven't a clue what a sonic screwdriver is?" said the man, he released a button he was pressing and the screwdriver elegantly extended to reveal an ominous light.

"Is it a kind of drink? I'm a gin and tonic fan myself, not into these new complicated mixes-oh dear no! Would have been laughable in my day, I've got some sixty year old scotch though by Moth… Mo-y assistant's dressing table", said The Doctor glancing behind to his assistant's weary expression.

"I'm getting tired of this; this whole theme thing was a terrible idea. Next year we're having a formal attire arrangement", sighed his assistant.

The container of medication had managed to roll over to the young woman at this point; she absently picked it up and glanced at it, before frowning and putting it in her pocket.

"Doctor I think there's been some confusion. I think I know who these two really…" began the woman; her male companion covered her mouth with his hand.

"Who else is here? What have you planned?" asked the man, holding the struggling female, who eventually gave up struggling and slid to the floor.

"She's fainted!" said The Doctor's assistant, rushing to her feet, she had been previously applying lipstick the colour of scarlet, and it smudged against her pruned lips.

"I'd covered her mouth and nose by mistake, her fainting part oxygen lacking and stress. Now tell me what you have planned?" The man's voice rose threateningly toward the end, he furrowed his brow and frowned under the weight of the woman as he heaved her up from the ground and over his shoulder.

"We sent invitations; surely to get past the guard you must have produced yours… Now if you don't leave my room now I'll have them escort you to the local bobby!" said The Doctor's assistant.

"Who's Bobby?" asked the man?

"It's an expression young chap, you are probably too young to comprehend it", said the Doctor. Then he added, purposely, "You're not going anywhere I have guests waiting for the entertainment, ones as Daleks, Cyber men and some dames as assistants or like you".

"More clones and my enemies, why not finish me by yourself you coward? I could entertain you here, while a planet in the constellation of Leo perishes and those who live there go extinct! I already have read their emergency signal. Only about fifty of them left, the great time war finished of the rest, the planet Nexastrum was were my people got their weapons. I suppose its only justice that I die by yours", hissed the man.

"Pardon?" said The Doctor's assistant. "Darling I think this game has gone so far, let them greet the guests down the stairs. I thought it was unusual enough for them to be allowed in my room in the first place, how did you arrange this?"

"I don't quite remember arranging this, excuse me would you two mind joining the others below for appetisers while I discuss this?" said The Doctor, he was frowning.

"No thanks, you see I've come prepared. If you're telling me you have an army waiting below to tackle me- I have a surprise! Do you know how I trapped the Time Lords? I used this…" the man tapped his head,

"My link to them, now I could explain further but I'd hate to spoil the party, if you excuse me!"

With this the man used his sonic screwdriver to blast a hole in the wall, the doctor and his assistant shrieked for help.

"You maniac! Who let you in here!" shrieked the Doctor's assistant waving her arms in the air.

"I want everyone to know I'm here, that I was the one who trapped them!" exclaimed the man, he ran back to his machine as the others in the room cowered and yelled for assistance.

He bumped the head of the woman against the side of his machine as he ran inside it. He dropped her against the floor and ran to the centre of the machine, pulling levers and setting coordinates.

The woman was groaning and slowly began sitting up.

"D-doctor? What are you doing?" she mumbled.

He twisted a lever and started to work some switches, he pulled out a small box from underneath the main control panel. He opened the box with a key he kept around his neck; he placed the box on the panel and looked to the woman.

"Doing something I hoped I'd never have to do again, I have to stop them!" said The Doctor; he attached what appeared to be wiring to the box, or whatever was inside the now unlocked container.

The woman trying to stand, toppled over, "Doctor I think I have a bit of concussion, did you say you're going to stop them? Do you know who they are, they're not aliens or clones… they're…"

She was stopped by a vigorous screeching noise; it was coming from the box. The room inside started to dim, as if it was fading. The young woman glanced down at her feet, she could not see them. Everything was dark.

Noises could be heard outside, people banging against the machine, maybe even open fire. The woman found the container she had stashed in her pocket; she grasped it in her hand as the room became intensely black. She could hear her male friend doing all sorts of things; he may have even been speaking. Everything seemed distorted, wrong. She passed out.

She awoke in a sitting position, still on the floor; she blinked and strained her eyes. Everything had returned to normal, she saw her male companion leaning against the consol of his machine.

"I'm sorry I didn't warn you. I trapped them in a time field, they're still alive, but they can't leave it. They've been taken away from Earth; the place they came from is still there. That game …draughts or checkers, you move diagonally right? Well that's kind of what happened to them. Anyway they're not in the same universe as us anymore, it was extreme but there was little I could do, sorry about the head injury", he said, he sighed.

The woman put her hand to the bump on her head, she felt unreal.

"Are you telling me you just chucked the Queen and Prince Charles into another universe because you thought they were aliens? "

" Really?" said the man, he chuckled.

"They were having a themed party, they must have got their information from Torchwood. You know wealthy people and their love of state secrets, they though we were impersonators", she said, her voice edging on hysterical.

"They weren't human, you heard them- they had tracked me down and brought me there", he said frowning.

"It was a toothbrush that brought us there you moron! I know the royals can be a bit inhuman but that doesn't mean you desert them in another universe! That's not extreme its insanity!" shrieked the woman, leaping to her feet.

"It's the brain injury talking…" he mumbled.

"Well what about this", she said, searching her pockets. Then she frowned and began searching the floor before picking up a container and throwing it at her male companion.

He caught it and frowned, "'Anti-depressants. Prince Charles. do not take with alcohol', I see… he wasn't following the instructions well, he offered me scotch."

"Can you get them back?" asked the woman.

"No I'm afraid their situation is permanent… well sure Diana's children are still alive anyway. So Mexico or Nexastrum?" asked the real Doctor.

"Mexico, let the Nexastrum aliens die or whatever", said his actual assistant.

"Well actually…while you were unconscious I was umm…" The Doctor looked towards a crowd of aliens that had been exploring his T.A.R.D.I.S that glared at the assistant with piercing eyes.

"Good thing they don't understand English", giggled his companion smiling weakly.

"Guess again inferior human", gargled the voice of one alien, he was holding a fierce looking instrument of torture. They all seemed to be.

"Oh…" she said, before fainting again as the crowd closed in on her.

The Doctor shrugged and fixed himself a cup of tea.

"So I finally met the Queen and Prince Charles", he said to himself while stirring his tea. "Pity they're gone forever".


End file.
